he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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