Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
