wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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