Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We talked him into tasing himself.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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