sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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