How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
