ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
