remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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