Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
