I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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