i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
