My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
