I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
