its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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