Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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