In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I haven't been this sober since birth.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
