It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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