Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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