Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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