So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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