I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
