there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
