he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
