Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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