He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
