Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
