Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
