Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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