Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
