anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
