It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
