"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
