Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
