My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
