it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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