You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
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This is the prime rib incident all over again
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
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It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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