I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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