we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
