At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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