Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
