Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Help. Why am I so naked?
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