fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
