The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
