The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
