if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
