we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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