as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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