That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
