Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
