Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
