At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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