My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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