get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize