my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize