my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
