So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
