I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm sobbing to NWA
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
