the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
