My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
