I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
