I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
