Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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