worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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