Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
