i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
