he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
