how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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